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Friday, December 12, 2008

Slavery in the USA/Traditional Christians/Homosexuality & the Bible

Slavery in the USA/Traditional Christians/Homosexuality & the Bible

Did you know that there are countless scriptures through-out the bible that supports slavery? I stopped counting at 65.
Did you know that The Law of God known as the Mosaic Law supported slavery and the slaves were considered property?
Did you know that there are scriptures in the bible that gives instructions to the slave owners of how to treat their slaves?
Did you know that there are also scriptures in the bible instructing slaves of how to be obedient to their masters?
Did you also know that at the time of the Civil War that some people justified USA southern slavery by appealing to the bible? Did you know that those people considered themselves Traditional Christians?
Finally, did you know that some slaves would rather the security of enslavement?

Exodus 21:1 “Now these are the judgments which you shall set before them: 2 If you buy a Hebrew servant, he shall serve six years; and in the seventh he shall go out free and pay nothing. 3 If he comes in by himself, he shall go out by himself; if he comes in married, then his wife shall go out with him. 4 If his master has given him a wife, and she has borne him sons or daughters, the wife and her children shall be her master’s, and he shall go out by himself. 5 But if the servant plainly says, ‘I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not go out free,’ 6 then his master shall bring him to the judges. He shall also bring him to the door, or to the doorpost, and his master shall pierce his ear with an awl; and he shall serve him forever.7 “And if a man sells his daughter to be a female slave, she shall not go out as the male slaves do. 8 If she does not please her master, who has betrothed her to himself, then he shall let her be redeemed. He shall have no right to sell her to a foreign people, since he has dealt deceitfully with her. 9 And if he has betrothed her to his son, he shall deal with her according to the custom of daughters. 10 If he takes another wife, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, and her marriage rights. 11 And if he does not do these three for her, then she shall go out free, without paying money.
Leviticus 25:43-45 43 You shall not rule over him with rigor, but you shall fear your God. 44 And as for your male and female slaves whom you may have—from the nations that are around you, from them you may buy male and female slaves. 45 Moreover you may buy the children of the strangers who dwell among you, and their families who are with you, whom they beget in your land; and they shall become your property.

Colossians 3:11 where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcised nor uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave nor free, but Christ is all and in all.
Deuteronomy 24:22 And you shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt; therefore I command you to do this thing.
Deuteronomy 28:68 And the LORD will take you back to Egypt in ships, by the way of which I said to you, ‘You shall never see it again.’ And there you shall be offered for sale to your enemies as male and female slaves, but no one will buy you.”

When you hear the word slavery in today’s culture, you think about what you have learned from this country's reprehensible past concerning slavery; it brings about an uncomfortable feeling when you think of the hate and resistance generations after the Emancipation Proclamation.

Did you know that there are 6 scriptures in the bible that are used to condemn people that were born homosexual and that if you read those scriptures historically correct (looking up the Greek/Hebrew definitions) you will find that the crux of those 4 scriptures are condemning male prostitution and rape; and the other 2 scriptures are more of the Mosaic Law that was given at the same time when God's law recognized and supported slavery and a host of other laws that would not be tolerated in today’s society.

Galatians 3:10 All who rely on observing the law are under a curse, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything written in the Book of the Law." 11Clearly no one is justified before God by the law, because, "The righteous will live by faith.” 12The law is not based on faith; on the contrary, "The man who does these things will live by them." 13Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree." 14He redeemed us in order that the blessing given to Abraham might come to the Gentiles through Christ Jesus, so that by faith we might receive the promise of the Spirit.

There are many of you who know within your heart that you were born or may have later discovered that you are homosexual or lesbian; traditional religion has enslaved and bound you by defining the very essence of your homosexual origin as evil, unnatural and ungodly. Therefore you have taken on a slave-like mentality of succumbing to the fear and intimidation of this strong religious establishment that has controlled and enslaved millions of people for many centuries.
The same Traditional Religious Christian establishment that appealed to the bible to justify southern slavery in the USA is the source of today’s Traditional Religious Christian establishment that is enslaving a large sector of God's children that they simply care not to understand. This Religious Traditional Christian establishment has created their own doctrine postulating and pontificating on the prohibition of homosexuality in their religious institutions. These religious institutions are entrenched with homosexual, ex-homosexual, lesbian and ex-lesbian people that would rather the security of enslavement. Why would they rather the security of enslavement? They would rather enslavement due to fear and intimidation of the traditional religious doctrine, society and of their religious masters.

Many of the white founding fathers of this country started and served in anti-slavery societies such as William Livingston, Richard Basset, James Madison, Richard Stockton, James Monroe, Bushrod Washington, John Marshall & Zephaniah Swift and many more who some how concluded that it was cruel, in-humane and un-godly to treat other human beings as property although you can find support in the holy bible.

The bible is the Good Book not to be used as a divisive tool to demonize and define a sector of God’s people as evil.

Galatians 3:10 All who rely on observing the law (Mosaic Law) are under a curse.
11 Clearly no one is justified before God by the law, because, "The righteous will live by faith.”

My conclusion is to encourage you to read and learn about the life of Jesus (in the New Testament) and to understand why God so loved this world that he sent his only son Jesus Christ to walk this earth, sacrifice his life on the cross at Calvary, resurrected him and ascended him to heaven to sit at his right hand side to intercede for us. Jesus Christ established the spirit of freedom away from the old law. Go back to the Old Testament and read about the laws that God gave to Moses (The Mosaic Law) for that period in history; you will be compelled to live by the standards and promises of Jesus Christ as a way of life.

St. John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.


I would love to hear your comments. If you have an experience that you would like to share and you would like to have it posted/featured on this site, email

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Why was I born this way? Do we have God's nature?

Why was I born this way? A question that I have always asked myself.
Here are some of the anwers that I have received from religious people:

You were not born with homosexual desires; homosexuality is an evil spirit or a generational curse that has a strong-hold over you. You must be delivered. Only the Holy Ghost will be able to set you free. Homosexuality is unnatural and and not a part of God's holy nature. You chose to be that way.
After many years of developing a strong and intimate relationship with God and sincerely, faithfully and profusely asking him to take away these "evil" desires and asking him to change my nature of having natural affection/attraction for the same gender; God has not yet answered my prayer.

There are some homosexual people who as children were molested or had strong homosexual influences from family members or close friends of their families; They are convinced that those horrible experiences are the reasons for their homosexuality as adults today; that truly was not my experience and I certainly did not choose to have these feelings; why would I?

I am still told that I have to resist that "homosexual spirit" and it will flee, don't give-in to it.
I have resisted fasted, prayed and cried out to God for my deliverance and it has not yet come even after having faith that one day it will go away.

Does God really care about the gender that I have affection and attraction for? Why has he not delivered me?
So you mean to tell me that the man or woman that has "natural affection/attraction" for the opposite sex is blessed? Are they blessed only to deal with the "natural" temptations of the flesh after being born in a world of sin? Am I doubly cursed? Cursed for not having natural affection/attraction towards the opposite sex and cursed for having natural affection/attraction for the same sex.

I have faked the funk (if you will) with the opposite sex in order to fit into this society just like many people do today; then I would think about truth and reality; John 4:24 God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth. John 14:17 Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.
Has God played a dirty trick on on homosexual people?
Does this scripture apply to me?
Psalm 139:13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My conclusion is that I stopped asking God to change my nature (evidently he knows what he is doing) and I started asking him to let his will be done in my life. It is not about my sexuality and who I may have or not have affection and attraction for...
The real question is, what are you doing with your life and your sexuality to uplift the one that you love? And what are you doing with your love and affection to uplift the most high God who created and loves you?


I know that you may have some thoughts and concerns, please share them by clicking on comments, just below this line. If you have an experience that you would like to share and you would like to have it posted/featured on this site, email This should be healing and a lot of fun.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008


What does this photograph represent to you? Take a few moments and think about it.

Does this photo represent success and a strong family unit? Does it represent what you think the traditional American dream should consist of?

We are living in a culture where keeping up with the Jones' & the Trump families and being successful in the eyes of society is very crucial to our image and self worth. What about how you look in the eyes of God?

What if this guy was living a double life as a loving husband and father; at the same time surfed the internet and combed the alleys and city streets for male companionship and or for male prostitutes.
What if this guy's wife already had a sense of her husband's affection for the same gender before they were married and made a conscience decision to never talk about it. Please don't disturb our groove of vanity and crack the facade that everyone is enjoying.
What about their children?

Why would they live such complicated lives? Perhaps this is why:

I recently communicated with a pastor who insinuated that HIV and AIDS was a judgement from God against homosexuality. I lifted the following information from a website when I "Googled" HIV in the African American community:
As reported by the Center for Disease Control, the greatest factors affecting HIV/AIDS transmission in the African American community are male-to-male sexual contact in males and male to female contacts in females. Other risk factors and prevention barriers include substance abuse, denial about sexuality, and socioeconomic situations.

In 2003, the rate of new AIDS cases for black women was 20 times that of white women and five times greater than the infection rate for Latinas, according to a report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Black and Hispanic women accounted for 77 percent of all new AIDS infections in 1994. Nine years later, the rate was 85 percent, according to the agency.

In Washington D.C. black women represent 90 percent of women living with AIDS while making up only 62 percent of all women in the city, according to a report last year by the District's Health Department.

OK, let us just pretend for a few moments:
What if the Traditional Religious Community approved of homosexuality and same gender dating relationships and marriage. It's church leaders and their congregants accepted homosexuality and agreed that homosexuals and lesbians could be and are Christians without all of the preconceived, generational, misinterpreted scriptural rhetoric on this subject matter?

What if the same Christian principles were taught in regards to relationships and marriage as they instructed heterosexual couples: Put God first and foremost, pray together, love and value yourself, love and value your mate. Harming one another mentally, physically and sexually is not tolerated nor accepted. If those same principles were preached instead of judgment and rebuke; one would feel loved by God and the community and not forsaken by God as the traditionalist preach. There would be less sexual promiscuity and more spiritual responsibility. There would be much less disease (STDs and HIV/AIDS) There would be more LOVE.

I really feel that the religious community is obsessed and overly concerned about what 2 men or 2 women can do in bed. Here is an example (A very good friend of mine in Memphis shared how she went to Sunday School last week and as she entered the class the pastor was speaking and made a statement that he would rather see two women together sexually and that 2 men would be just disgusting) she said to herself "What the Hell!" If you are against homosexuality why would you not mind seeing 2 women together sexually?

Personally, I don't believe that HIV and AIDS is a judgment from God against homosexuality; if it is then why the harsh judgment on women of color and poor people? I really believe that this whole ( HIV and AIDS) matter in the African American community is simply about throwing caution to the wind and choosing to have unprotected sex and NOT facing real truth and brutal honesty about one's sexuality which stems from the generational, traditional religious (homophobic) rhetoric that is preached in our places of worship that promotes homosexuality as sin and that perpetuates living a lie.

You can live a life of hell, bitterness and promiscuity as a heterosexual (straight) person or a homosexual person OR you can live a Christ centered life as a heterosexual or homosexual person. I sincerely strive to live my life as an ambassador for Jesus Christ. My daily walk is to bear the Fruits of the Spirit
(Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith 23 meekness, temperance: against such there is no law) among my friends, co-workers and family and they will all tell you that I'm not always successful, but I know where my help comes from.

Here is a little Food for Thought:

1 Samuel 18:1 And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.
3 Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul.
4And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle.
1 Samuel 20:4 Then said Jonathan unto David, Whatsoever thy soul desireth, I will even do it for thee.
17And Jonathan caused David to swear again, because he loved him: for he loved him as he loved his own soul.
41And as soon as the lad was gone, David arose out of a place toward the south, and fell on his face to the ground, and bowed himself three times: and they kissed one another, and wept one with another, until David exceeded
1 Samuel 23:17 And he said unto him, Fear not: for the hand of Saul my father shall not find thee; and thou shalt be king over Israel, and I shall be next unto thee; and that also Saul my father knoweth.
2 Samuel 1:26 I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women.
OK :) Just read the entire book of 1st Samuel and the 1st Chapter in 2nd Samuel in the bible in order to fully understand the love that Jonathan and David had for each other.

I strongly encourage you to please scroll down and read the postings entitled: Is There Really Scriptural Validity in Calling Homosexuality Sin Part 2 and Soulforce.


I would love to hear your thoughts. If you have an experience that you would like to share and you would like to have it posted/featured on this site, email This should be healing and a lot of fun. Feel free to click on comment just below this line.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Struggling Gay Clergy

Imagine this: Living a life pleasing to your parents and siblings; pleasing your pastor and church family and even your community. You marry a beautiful bride and start a family and you continue to live a life pleasing to your wife and kids; now your career is going in the right direction and you are now pleasing your co-workers and society.

Your pastor is so pleased with your life, he agrees to take you up on your strong ambition and desires to be a leader; he ordains and promote you as an official in the brotherhood of elders, ministers and pastors. You've made it! All of your family and loved ones rally around you as you are now officially considered a pillar in the community, known among many as "the salt of the earth".

Deep down in your heart you are wondering if you are really pleasing to God the Most High, you have never been able to shake that strong natural, mental and physical attraction for the same gender. At one time you were always petrified and unrested about your real reality. You were always edgy, irritated and nervous about the possibility of one of these dear family or church members or even the people in your community or your co-workers finding out about the real Authentic You. You still love the Lord in spite of that strong natural desire that has been with you since adolescence. God is love and love made you and he knows the very intent of your heart. God is concerned about TRUTH instead of the many facades of life that men create and enjoy.

Anytime you seek the approval of people who do not understand your reality and you allow their opinions of you to misrepresent your own life; self-hatred and self-destruction will set-in and your whole life of passive deception and not loving yourself will destroy you.

The rest of this posting is what I call "Sentiments and Confessions of the heart from a Preacher" who will remain anonymous. This preacher started corresponding with me a few months ago, he was evidently touched by what he has been reading on this blogsite. I was so elated, I asked him if I could share some of his correspondence for this posting; he obliged.

Samuel M. Brown

Sentiments and Confessions of the heart of a Preacher

What a joy to hear such a swift reply from you, Samuel. I have just finished reading a 27 page printout of your blogspot and found myself and my life story in each of the postings and experiences of others. As you may well know, I'm a 63-year old black man and I serve as Chief of Staff at one of these "traditional" COGIC churches. I guess I could share a lot but won't at the present time. I'm just glad you found me however you did. Because of my position, and yes, I got married and am living in a very precarious situation, i can't go public at this time, but it does uplift my spirit to know that there is a refuge and others bearing a "like" burden". I guess this is enough for now, but I would like to be put on your mailing list.

Samuel, what a joy to read the posts on your blog site and thanks for the speedy reply from you. I guess maybe I should send some of my life experiences-those of a 63year old black gay minister in the Grand ole COGIC. I'm sure you know I've had to sit through many such sermons. I sometimes want to just stand up and correct the stereotype thoughts regarding gay men. As you know, all gay men don't want to be women. And all gay men are not"swishy". Many look the "last" man, so to speak. I really get passionate about these issues and somehow I have remained silent, but not because I want to. Take care and pray for me. Thank God for this site.

Samuel, Sunday was a day I had to sit and endure one of those famous comments about Lesbian/Gay people. The Sunday School lesson was about Josiah's response to the the finding of the covenant by Shaphan and Hilkiah. The question was, Josiah rent his garments because of the sins of the people; what are some of the ways we, in today's society respond to national and personal sin? This woman got up with something real crazy about a lesbian woman on her job who she feels hates her be-cause she has probably put forth some comments about her being a Christian. She made this statement about how she's careful about helping her and how she interacts with the lady. I just wanted to jump up and tell her, the lady is a person and should be treated no less than. She went on this long dialog about gays, etc and you know the house was so full of "AMENs". Usually when I'm in those situations, I just want to get up and set the record straight, but I know that would be the beginning of MY crucifixion. But sometimes I really don't care. I'm 63, but you know what growing up in a blackPentecostal church (COGIC) can be like. What we have to suffer and go through. The woman is so silly, that if I went to her personally and tried to straighten out her way of thinking, it would have an adverse affect. So on goes HOMOPHOBIA. I guess that's enough.

Anonymous Preacher,

I would love to hear your questions and concerns. If you have an experience that you would like to share and you would like to have it posted/featured on this site, email This should be healing and a lot of fun. Feel free to comment just below this line.

Friday, March 21, 2008


This posting is very dear to my heart after 1 year of having an epiphany about how I could serve God’s people by addressing the spiritual and scriptural needs of God’s love for Same Gender Loving people from a non-traditional perspective. This posting echoes and embraces just about all of my personal and spiritual convictions with very profound scriptural soundness in dealing with homosexuality and the bible. I have included an excerpt from the Rev. Dr. Mel White’s bio. It is crucial that you double click on the link at the end of this posting in order to read this Powerful Biblical Response to the Question People Often Ask… “How can you consider yourself a Christian when you are also gay?”

Hopefully I have served you well with the monthly and sometimes bi-monthly postings which has included excerpts from my personal testimony “Son of a Bishop,” news articles, and other submissions of truth and reality peppered with my personal editorial.

Samuel M. Brown


The Rev. Dr. Mel White has been a Christian minister, author, and filmmaker all his adult life. Raised as an evangelical Christian, taught that homosexuality was a sin, he fought to overcome his own homosexual orientation for decades in all ways available to him: prayer, psychotherapy, exorcism, electric shock, marriage and family. That struggle and his halting, poignant steps to understand and accept his homosexuality, reconcile it with his Christian faith, and express his sexuality respectfully and responsibly, are described in his book "Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay and Christian in America," published in 1994. His latest book, "Religion Gone Bad - The Hidden Dangers of Fundamentalism," published in 2006.
“How can you consider yourself a Christian when you are also gay?”
Here are the 8 premises that he has laid out for you.
1. Most people have not carefully and prayerfully researched the Biblical texts used by some people to condemn God's lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender children.
2. Historically, people's misinterpretation of the Bible has left a trail of suffering, bloodshed, and death.
3. We should be open to new truth from Scripture. Even heroes of the Christian faith have changed their minds about the meaning of various Biblical texts.
4. The Bible is a book about God. The Bible is not a book about human sexuality.
5. We miss what these passages say about God when we spend so much time debating what they say about sex.
6. The Biblical authors are silent about homosexual orientation as we know it today. They neither approve it nor condemn it.
7. The prophets, Jesus, and the Biblical authors say nothing about homosexual orientation as we understand it today. But, they are clear about this one thing. As we search for truth, we are to "Love one another."
8. Whatever some people believe the Bible seems to say about homosexuality, they must not use that belief to deny homosexuals their basic civil rights. To discriminate against sexual or gender minorities is unjust and un-American.

Rev. Dr. Mel White
If you have an experience that you would like to share and you would like to have it posted/featured on this site, email This should be healing and a lot of fun. Feel free to click on comment just below this line.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

A Preacher from St. Louis

Grace & Peace Son of a Bishop:

I read your blog for the first time today and it was inspiring and a blessing all in one...It blessed me to see that finally someone is standing up to the "church" and sharing the real meaning of "The Love of Christ". I especially can relate to attending hundreds of Revival, Conferences, Prayer Meetings and watching my own Mother "cast the homosexual devil" out of my peers but could never see that her own child was battling with the same thing...I never knew how the "out of town anointed prophet" could never see that I had a "problem", but could call out everyone around me and all their issues.
I finally decided to come out to my mother last year and to this day, IT IS NOT A DISCUSSION! Its like it never happened...Being a licensed Minister myself, it never changed the fact that I love God, His word, and his people even the more. My mother still comes to hear me preach, she invites me to her church to preach but never addressed our conversation last year... Moving forward in Ministry, I'm preparing to launch my own Church in the coming year. I was wondering what advise would you give for a Gay Pastor launching out in the East St Louis / St Louis area where this type of ministry is not accepted so easily?

Thank you for your time and cooperation.
Kingdom Blessings,

Minister in St. Louis

I answered his question concerning his advise request with the following response:

My advice to you is to just preach the word of God and the Love of Christ without the traditional, religious, prejudicial discrimination. Your congregants will follow suit as a non-judgmental congregation. Your church will then grow and develop a reputation in the community as a place that they can attend and be taught about the Love of Christ and not be judged. Then allow God's glory to radiate in that neighborhood and through-out the rest of the city.
Be blessed,
Samuel M. Brown

If you have an experience that you would like to share and you would like to have it posted/featured on this site, email This should be healing and a lot of fun. Feel free to comment just below this line.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Pastor Pedophile, Part 3

Be sure to scroll down and read Part 1 and Part 2 of Pastor Pedophile before reading any further.

In the conclusion of this horrific story of how one of the "probably" worst child predators in the Church of God in Christ' history took full advantage of the trust and esteem that was placed upon him as Pastor, Counselor, Mentor and friend to a faithful congregation, an innocent family and a naive child. It truly makes me want to cry when I think of the fact that this man had a beautiful wife and children that had to be subjected to his debauched activities.

This story makes you wonder if this pastor stood in his pulpit Sunday after Sunday and preached that traditional religious rhetoric; skewing the interpretation of a few holy scriptures as divisive tools in order to demonize an entire misunderstood population of God's homosexual children in order to deflect the attention from his immoral lifestyle of pedophilia.

Be sure to later scroll down to view the postings entitled: "Is there really Scriptural Validity in calling Homosexuality Sin"


My First Love (The Conclusion)
Winter slowly turned to spring and spring into summer. I quit working for Mr. B because I was getting older and wanted a real job that paid more than $14 dollars a week. Of course I still saw him from time to time but a lot less than I use to. I was now a young adult as they would say in church and I was beginning to smell my self as the older church ladies would say.

Mr. B still had a special place but I was starting to date girls and the two did not mix. The whole summer almost went by without me seeing him, besides in church and I would almost avoid him except for one Sunday morning. Mr. B asked my mom if I could have dinner with him and his family, of course my mother was thrilled that he had asked and said sure he would love that Rev.

He picked me up around 3:00pm and we drove and talked as we normally did he asked me how things were going and how I’d been, I told him things were great I have a girl friend now and we have been going out a few times a week. He seemed excited for me and we even talked about her a little while. As we drove up to his sprawling house I noticed there were no other cars in the drive way I thought for sure my mom told me that I would be having dinner with the whole family. He said come on in; I guess this is your first time here huh? I said yep and continued walking in. Mr. B opened the door and to my surprise the first floor was full of young boys, light ones, dark ones, big and tall and all of them were between the ages of 15 and 18. Some of them I knew from school. Mr. B said hello to his guest then he and I walked right pass them, it was at that moment that I realized I was not special and in fact I felt dirty for being part of so many.

We both walked around the house and down into the basement were he showed me all his suits and jewelry he had enough suits to wear one-a-day for an entire year. The diamond rings and chains were mind blowing! Where did he get all of this stuff? He slowly walked toward me and said “I’ve missed you man, give me a hug.” As he held me I felt his member pushing up against me and as much as I wanted to give in, I gently pushed back and said it was too many people in the house and I couldn’t do anything here. We must have stayed in the basement for at least an hour before coming up and I decided I wanted to go home. I said to my self that's it! I'm not doing-it with him any more he's nasty!!

Summer turned to fall and I was going to a new school, a brand new million dollar school that had open class-rooms, I never heard of that concept before but I was eager to see it. My first day in that school was something I will never forget, me and my best friend at the time Joe was trying to find our home room classes, we were wondering around this amazing school when I heard a familiar voice coming from behind one of the partitions, so I peeked around to see who it was ... Oh Hell No, its Mr. B!!!!!! I looked down at my schedule and he and another teacher was going to be my math teacher, all this time I did not know he was a teacher, I guess because I have never been in the ninth grade before. When me and Joe wondered into his class later in the day he acted as though he barely knew me, that was cool because I was so nervous to be close to him in public. Of course I got a good grade in his class, how could I not get a good grade, he watched me and Joe for an hour each day like we were lunch.

The Church of God in Christ has a conference once a year in different cities, when I was younger I use to love going because it was exciting to go to a different cities and explore what that city had to offer. I was growing up and no longer wanted to go with my parents; this year my mom said that we were going to New Orleans! Yea but you will be praising God the whole time; I won’t get to see any of the city I cried. “You know we always see a little of the city after church baby” my mom said, “besides the pastor and everyone is going,” “No, I'm not going!” I said even stronger this time. Nevertheless, our drive to New Orleans seemed to take forever, driving from PA was a long, long ride but when I looked up to see where we would be staying, it was worth it. The Hyatt Hotel was the best of the best back in the day and I could not believe we were staying there.

Mom and her sister took there shower and got dressed for church, mom allowed me to stay in the room provided I did not go anywhere until they got back. It seemed like 5 minuets after they left the phone rang, “do you know who this is?” I said “yes, of course what's up Rev!” he laughed and said “boy you are getting more mannish by the day, what are you doing?” I said “laying back watching TV until my mom comes back” he said “come to my room.” Little did I know he had already planned to stay close to where we were staying, I said “sure, what room are you in?” I thought to my self now is the time to tell his ass off for being so nasty, I had not forgotten about all of those boys that were at his house and God only knows what he was doing with them.

As I approached the door I became really nervous, thinking maybe now is not the time to go into all of that, I don't want to make him mad. He opened the door with nothing on but a red robe and said “good evening come on in.” Now the blood in my head is pounding I should not have come hear, I'm not strong enough! The robe came off; “Come here and give me a hug, it’s been so long.” Before I knew it, my clothes were off too and we began to touch one another I couldn't help myself, I like this what ever it is, I like it and I like him.... Mr. B said “I want to show you how to do something that will make a man out of you,” I said “OK what is it” “do you trust me” he said, “sure, what is it?” “I want to enter you,” “you want to do what?” “I want to enter you” as he looked into my eyes, I explained that “we tried that before and I did not like it, it hurt too bad; I can't do that.” “I'm going to make you like it today, man it's what two men do.” I thought to myself OK, I will try it again only for 5 minutes just like before and then I’ll tell him to stop. Mr. B relaxed me like a pro; then he began his assault on my body, when he was through I told him that I was leaving; he said “OK, I will see you tomorrow.” What I had done, was it good or bad? I thought to my self. At first I looked at it like this; he did just make a man out of me, then I thought about all the boys before me and I was ashamed that I had let him take something from me that I never even considered giving.

I didn't know the word “pedophile” back then, but he was one of the worst pedophiles I had ever known or heard of. I pushed this experience into the “sea of forgetfulness” until my dear friend Sam asked me to share a story. For some reason and I don't know why, this experience surfaced. I have never told this story to anyone, not even my lover of 20+ years.

I have no hatred toward Mr. B, God dealt with him a long, long time ago. You see Mr. B died a terrible death. First his wife left him and took the children, then he had a stroke which left him debilitated, then diabetes took one of his legs and finally he went into a coma, then he later died.

This prayer go's out to anyone who has ever been taken advantage of by someone else “may God give you the strength to toss that memory into the sea of forgetfulness” otherwise it will eat you alive.To my dear friend Sam; thanks for allowing me to share my story.

God bless,

Nameless Ned

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